The Dapper Dad

I just found a gob of jam stuck to the bottom of the dining room chair when I went to move it. The sensation was similar to finding gum stuck to the desk chair in High School. This, for those of you who may not know it yet, is life with kids. It used to bother me, greatly, but as any living being must you adapt to survive. Once all the crumbs, spills, stickiness and more is vacuumed, swept up and wiped I take my shower and shave. This is a purification ritual that I must perform each morning in order to start the rest of my day as an adult who aside from the world of parenthood, must also function within society at large, the one that has no idea what it means to have kids and quite rightly couldn’t care less.

I head straight for my closet and make a point of dressing like an adult regardless of whether it is work or a day out with my son that awaits me. Dressing like an adult means that I could walk into a church or temple or other sanctuary and feel that I am dressed appropriately (unless of course I am at or near the beach or working out). I choose religion to make my point, not because I am a man of religion, but because religion (supposedly) represents a certain etiquette and decorum that first and foremost is meant to lead believers to respect themselves in order to be respectful of others.

If there is anything I can still control in my life these days, it’s my wardrobe. My wife is an incredibly stylish Italian woman and certainly very opinionated when it comes to what I wear, as any respectable Italian wife should, but I need to feel comfortable first and foremost in my own “skin”. False modesty aside, I think I do pretty well on my own. I stand taller and walk taller when I feel well dressed this goes for work cloth as well as casual clothes.

Whatever your style, just make sure it’s tidy. Kids, although certainly a major hurdle, are no excuse to looking shabby. That is really what being dapper is all about. Also, never confuse style with snobbery and never ever equate fashion to style. Style is about you and not about what others want you to be – dad’s should understand and appreciate this more than anyone else.

Vanity is for the insecure. Style is for the bold. That is my take on the matter. Vain people spend hours in front of the closet mirror worrying what others will think. Stylish people glance at themselves in the hallway mirror and say: “Damn, you look good!” I like that cockiness just as much as I despise the preening of the vain.

So many tags exist for men and their dress and manner: grunge, surfer, dandy, banker, punk, frat boy, goth, hip hop, preppy, biker, yuppie, urban chic, euro trash, ghetto and the list goes on and on. I like to simplify the “look book” into well dressed and not. Of course, I have my very own opinion of what that entails.

I believe, in fact, that, style is as much about attitude as it is about how you express it. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either trying to make you feel better because you do not have any or is just clueless.

What you wear is the easy part. Whether you are the Prince or the Pauper there is no excuse in not having those basic elements that will always get you through the day looking like the Prince.

Now all you have to do is act and feel like the Prince. Many men do this effortlessly because they have the right attitude. It is a fine line between vanity, style and slovenliness. You walk it by caring enough to put some thought into it, but not caring enough to make it a conscious effort.

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Welcome to The Dapper Dad! A brief introduction is necessary as I gather my thoughts and gets things started. Many of you already know me as New York Dad over at my daddy blog New York Dad’s Blog. I know that over there I can talk about anything and everything dad related which probably could include much of what I want to talk about over here.

I felt, though, that a separate blog was appropriate since I will be concentrating much more on the dad as a man as opposed to the dad as a parent. All the ideas and thoughts I have concerning being a “Dapper Dad”, in fact, whether it is clothing, accessories, grooming, mixology, hobbies, sports, attitude or mannerisms in general will be left to these pages. Think of it as the den – a place for you to momentarily shut the door and remind yourself that you are a man – and most importantly a gentleman – as well as a father. A place, also, to unwind for a split second amidst all the burp up stains, the crushed Cheerios, the crazy hair, the unkept beard and all other forms of voluntary and involuntary submission to the parenting world that we have come to know since our first born was, well, born.

There are certainly many dads who just don’t care and I understand completely why they would think what I am doing here is useless. For those of you who do, though, feel that every once and a while you would like to feel like “a million bucks” I welcome you with a pat on the back and a stiff drink in hand. I certainly have my own strong opinions about what I feel constitutes a Dapper Dad and I certainly fail in many instances to live up to my own set of criteria due to my own negligence (and the ever present excuse of “I have a kid, you know!”).

I would like to see your comments and guest posts that will hopefully bring together different opinions, preferences and points of view for all of us to discuss, debate and question. I don’t really have a specific format in mind for these pages nor do I want to limit access to dads and men only. I do think, though, that there are certainly general parameters that define a Dapper Dad and despite the need for such a man to be as diplomatic as possible – I can make no guarantee that it will always be the case with me (I am, after all, a New Yorker).

Let me set as an ambitious objective that of providing a source of information for dads, in particular, that offers (from all different points of views and sources) suggestions, opinions and room for debate on issues that gravitate around what I have mentioned above and see where this takes us! Bear with me as I build up the page and also as I experiment using tumblr as an on-the-go and “improv” post source. My hope is that the posts will entertain and inform.

Thanks for taking the time to drop by and I look forward to engaging everyone in the conversation!

Sincerely,

The Dapper Dad