I just found a gob of jam stuck to the bottom of the dining room chair when I went to move it. The sensation was similar to finding gum stuck to the desk chair in High School. This, for those of you who may not know it yet, is life with kids. It used to bother me, greatly, but as any living being must you adapt to survive. Once all the crumbs, spills, stickiness and more is vacuumed, swept up and wiped I take my shower and shave. This is a purification ritual that I must perform each morning in order to start the rest of my day as an adult who aside from the world of parenthood, must also function within society at large, the one that has no idea what it means to have kids and quite rightly couldn’t care less.
I head straight for my closet and make a point of dressing like an adult regardless of whether it is work or a day out with my son that awaits me. Dressing like an adult means that I could walk into a church or temple or other sanctuary and feel that I am dressed appropriately (unless of course I am at or near the beach or working out). I choose religion to make my point, not because I am a man of religion, but because religion (supposedly) represents a certain etiquette and decorum that first and foremost is meant to lead believers to respect themselves in order to be respectful of others.
If there is anything I can still control in my life these days, it’s my wardrobe. My wife is an incredibly stylish Italian woman and certainly very opinionated when it comes to what I wear, as any respectable Italian wife should, but I need to feel comfortable first and foremost in my own “skin”. False modesty aside, I think I do pretty well on my own. I stand taller and walk taller when I feel well dressed this goes for work cloth as well as casual clothes.
Whatever your style, just make sure it’s tidy. Kids, although certainly a major hurdle, are no excuse to looking shabby. That is really what being dapper is all about. Also, never confuse style with snobbery and never ever equate fashion to style. Style is about you and not about what others want you to be – dad’s should understand and appreciate this more than anyone else.
The cynics will say that you do not need a special day on which to celebrate love. Love is something that is expressed each and everyday through actions, unspoken glimpses and knowing nods. I tend to agree, but women, like St. Thomas, feel that seeing is believing and subtlety be darned. So we are inundated by expensive Chinese grown roses, cheap Russell Stover’s “chocolate” and edible underwear starting with each New Year until February 14th (followed immediately by a bunny invasion). And there is no way that you can forget unless you really do live in the middle of nowhere (and there is always a mall in the vicinity of the middle of nowhere). Given the vindictive nature of the female species I would suggest you make a concerted effort to mark the occasion sincerely. Announcing that you are anti-establishment is just going to land you on the couch (which as Bill Cosby said may well be where you wanted to be in the first place) or worse get you the silent treatment. Go the traditional route, but do it like you mean it. There is still time. So here is my super short list and feel free, of course, to do your own thing.
A Tiffany key pendant – Not an original idea, but timeless and back in vogue so it would be perfect timing. It is elegant and affordable, if you stick to the silver ones. Few things will make a woman’s knees quiver more than that little powder blue box with a white bow (maybe only if their favorite actor was holding it).
A box of MarieBelle chocolates – There are so many good artisanal chocolatiers these days that if you search the web, you’ll probably find a great one nearby that delivers or overnights. Remember: dark chocolate and no fillings other than cognac, ganache or nuts. A box of ten will do and absolutely no heart shaped boxes.
A set of diptyque mini candles – If you’ve got kids your wife will probably get to use these twice a year and that’s why you should get the minis. She will, though, thank you for them when she locks herself in the bathroom and pretends for a few glorious minutes that you and the kids don’t exist while she soaks in the tub.
You cannot get more cliché than this, but it always comes down to presentation and quality. You do not have to sprinkle the bed with petals or go crazy getting a babysitter and a restaurant reservation (because frankly neither of you have the time or the energy), just wait until the kids are asleep and let the gesture do the rest.
Here is a short list of what I want for Father’s Day. Who knows it may inspire you while looking last minute for your own dad or the father of your children (this is the last full weekend to mull over your choices).
Bialetti Coffee and Milk – the original stovetop Moka (no, not Mocha) with milk foamer. This is how they do it in Italy. Cheaper and faster than waiting on line at your local coffee giant chain to plunk down your $5 for your burnt coffee. You can get a rich espresso or create the perfect cappuccino. It’s the perfect way to start your day (no, a Cappuccino is not an after dinner drink). I have several already, but you can never have enough.
DODOcase – you know it is just a matter of time before you let the siren call draw you into purchasing an iPad, so why not get ready for that moment? These cases look like large moleskine notebooks so the hipster in you can hide the hi-tech bling with the low-tech cover. These beauties are hand-made in the Bay Area and you will have to wait to get yours so put an order in now (gives you an excuse to wait a little longer for the inevitable).
Jack Spade – always simple and elegant. This can be used for papers as well as a laptop or the iPad that you will soon get. Also in brown, but that would be boring and, anyway, I already have it in that color.
Foosball Table – every man that I know has pined after one. Once you get beyond the space issue there is no other game table (other than billiards) that a guy would want in his home. If you have kids you have the perfect excuse, now.
Stipula Passaporto – this fountain pen is incredibly portable. Stipula is a relative new comer to the world of fountain pens (founded in 1973 it started to focus on pens in the early 1990s), but is well known for making fantastic nibs using always the best material. The Passaporto is lightweight and “expandable” so that you can carry it everywhere.
I actually like going shopping. Most guys hate it and I get it. So let me restate that phrase to say that I like going shopping for myself not so much with others – especially women. I will certainly get my fair share of complaints that I am stereotyping, but in this case my statement comes from years of personally observing this behavioral pattern.
Here is the difference between how I shop and, hypothetically speaking, my wife and most women I know shop. I will walk into a store and if I know what I am looking for go straight to where it is grab my size, shape, weight, length, whatever and try it on, check if it works, looks like the photo, etc. (check that it is in good shape – yes I am totally uptight when it comes to new products) and off to pay for it I go. If, instead, I am not looking for anything in particular, I will look around and if I see something that interests me I will do one of two things: the above mentioned routine or make a mental note to research said object later to make sure it is unique, dependable, available in different models, best price etc. What I do not do is meander the store and stare at a particular item for hours wondering what it would look like, feel like, fit like etc. then pull one of each color, style, size, etc. and head to the changing room to emerge three hours later. So what I always wonder out loud is why so many stores do not have comfortable “man chairs”?
You guys know what I am talking about. Usually, you are lucky if there is a little ledge or bench in the store to lean on while you wait (and God forbid you don’t have something to read or to entertain you). It really is not that hard to give us guys our own little “kiddie corner” so we do not have to stand there fidgeting while our significant others try on the entire store (especially if the ladies are in a group). So here are my three top choices for in-store Man Chairs to help out the architects when they are building the space.
Poltrona Frau’s Vanity Fair. This Italian designed leather beauty is the iconic Club Chair and has been around since the 1930s. Large armrests and padded back allows you to sit comfortably and, why not, catch some shut eye while the ladies wreak havoc in the dressing room.
The Eames Lounge and Ottoman. This lounge chair is one of the most recognized chairs in the world. Designed and developed over many years by Charles and Ray Eames, it was produced by in 1956 by the Herman Miller furniture company. If the stores would give you complimentary slippers and a paper I think you would never want to get up out of this chair.
A Hammock. I realize this is a bit of a stretch, but imagine the comfort of lying in a hammock. The store could serve drinks or you could simply lie there swaying gently and fall into a blissfully deep slumber.
It may be necessary to start a petition to present to major retailers to head our calls for such pampering. I figure if we are holding the purse or manning the stroller while the ladies shop, we might as well do so in comfort. In the end we end up not caring how long they stay in the dressing rooms and it’s a win-win for the retailer. The only other condition that must be met for the dads is a nanny and fully stocked toy chest to keep the kids entertained while you doze off. That’s not too much to ask, is it?
Welcome to The Dapper Dad! A brief introduction is necessary as I gather my thoughts and gets things started. Many of you already know me as New York Dad over at my daddy blog New York Dad’s Blog. I know that over there I can talk about anything and everything dad related which probably could include much of what I want to talk about over here.
I felt, though, that a separate blog was appropriate since I will be concentrating much more on the dad as a man as opposed to the dad as a parent. All the ideas and thoughts I have concerning being a “Dapper Dad”, in fact, whether it is clothing, accessories, grooming, mixology, hobbies, sports, attitude or mannerisms in general will be left to these pages. Think of it as the den – a place for you to momentarily shut the door and remind yourself that you are a man – and most importantly a gentleman – as well as a father. A place, also, to unwind for a split second amidst all the burp up stains, the crushed Cheerios, the crazy hair, the unkept beard and all other forms of voluntary and involuntary submission to the parenting world that we have come to know since our first born was, well, born.
There are certainly many dads who just don’t care and I understand completely why they would think what I am doing here is useless. For those of you who do, though, feel that every once and a while you would like to feel like “a million bucks” I welcome you with a pat on the back and a stiff drink in hand. I certainly have my own strong opinions about what I feel constitutes a Dapper Dad and I certainly fail in many instances to live up to my own set of criteria due to my own negligence (and the ever present excuse of “I have a kid, you know!”).
I would like to see your comments and guest posts that will hopefully bring together different opinions, preferences and points of view for all of us to discuss, debate and question. I don’t really have a specific format in mind for these pages nor do I want to limit access to dads and men only. I do think, though, that there are certainly general parameters that define a Dapper Dad and despite the need for such a man to be as diplomatic as possible – I can make no guarantee that it will always be the case with me (I am, after all, a New Yorker).
Let me set as an ambitious objective that of providing a source of information for dads, in particular, that offers (from all different points of views and sources) suggestions, opinions and room for debate on issues that gravitate around what I have mentioned above and see where this takes us! Bear with me as I build up the page and also as I experiment using tumblr as an on-the-go and “improv” post source. My hope is that the posts will entertain and inform.
Thanks for taking the time to drop by and I look forward to engaging everyone in the conversation!
